A human-being in broader classification experiences mainly three different kinds of happiness in his life time:
(1) Agape (2) Eros (3) Philos.
The first one (agape) is for the children while at their childhood. This is experienced when we come across something amazing or interesting. In a state of wonder or amazement, as with the mouth wide open.
The second one (eros) is when they enter teenage and while at maturity. This is when we are aroused towards another opposite partner with fascination or infatuation.
The third one (philos) is intellectual of logical reasoning applicable at all ages, and especially at old age.
Thus it can be said that we experience the above defined happiness in our entire life. On further analyses it is quite obvious that, these happiness are the main ingredients of establishing relationships in our lives. As said above the third one PHILOS is experienced through the entire life. Thus this kind of happiness is a must to fulfill any kind of life long relationship, without which a person can never lead a satisfied happy life. Along with this PHILOS, depending upon our age factor, we also need AGAPE and EROS which lead to greater satisfied happy life. It is also noted that the AGAPE and EROS are quite temporary happiness, limited to certain time period depending upon the situations. Thus stronger relations, for example life-partners, spouses, marriages, deep-friendships, etc very much need PHILOS, without which a stronger relationship might not be possible. Along with this AGAPE and EROS are short lived. Thus constructive communication to express philosophical views is the most necessary aspect to establish any stronger relationships.
Philosophical relationships are quite often possible, very few agape relations may be encountered, and very rare, seldom are spouse or erotics relations encountered. As the relation to erotics is at a deeper level, which consists of philosophical and agape together, leading to life-partner, for entire life. Without proper coordination of philosophical, agape, proper understanding and respect, a erotics would merely be a infatuation without any strong stable relationship. Thus a life-partner relationship constitutes of many different, various emotions leading to happiness in life.
The beauty which can be seen with eyes is physical, and that which can be understood is mental. We can see the physical beauty but the philosophical one which is mental can only be experienced. It is quite true that, physical beauty can be created by humans using intelligence, but intelligence cannot be created using physical beauty. When we feel something is beautiful, we feel the happiness. For example when we look at beautiful flowers or butterflies, or various colors, or any other natures beauty. It is also true that this "Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder", meaning something which may seem to be beautiful to my eyes might not necessarily seem to be beautiful to another person. It is also true that relationships happen in real life, in many different forms. True love comes to us sometimes as a sister or a brother. As a father or a mother, as a friend or a companion. In other words every relation ship has a meaning which is philosophical (analyzed by human brains). Thus we need to recognize these different relationships, so that we can establish them in real life.
It’s interesting to note that goodness grows when it’s distributed. If the good is not shared then how will the goodness spread? Belief in good exists only when we see good things happening around us. When there is pain, so much of pain that no one is ready to share it, then we speak to someone within ourselves to share the pain. We give a name to him as “God”. Then we say that God was the one who shared our pain and relieved us of sorrow. Here God was created when there was a genuine requirement, or in other words we say “God himself will come to share our sorrows when there is no one to help”. On analysis we see that there was someone within us whom we called as God. On further analysis we see that it was the subconscious mind that really helped us. To put it in simple terms we consciously spoke to subconscious to relieve the pain and called it as God. In other words God was created when the requirement was genuine or when our conscious mind thought that there was no other way to let go of the pain. Lets analyze this further.
There is no point in forcing someone to accept something, which they don’t like, as if it’s forcibly intruded then there are chances of breaking the relationship. In other words we are forcibly creating something when there is no genuine requirement for it to exist. When someone accepts something heartily, with subconscious mind, only then there is real happiness and satisfaction, as the requirement is genuine the realization is felt within oneself. That is when we listen within and someone within us accepts it.
It can be seen that strong bonds and happy relationships are possible naturally without any force being applied. It’s not fair and better to force them to happen. Its natural and simple, it was created only because there was a genuine requirement. We have to accept it naturally only because it is the truth. In other words “it cannot be created when there is no genuine requirement nor its creation can be stopped when there is a genuine requirement”. Things happen only because there is a genuine requirement. Either its good or bad, it all depends on how we look at them. If we do not believe in something good then it will not happen as there is no genuine requirement, as belief exists only when there is real requirement. It can be seen that when our subconscious mind forces us to believe something which our conscious mind does not want to accept, then what happens is that when we are asleep (or when our conscious mind is inactive) our subconscious tries to link our conscious (or in other words, we see dreams) which is created by subconscious mind. It’s better and healthy practice for the conscious mind to realize and listen to the subconscious mind. Its true to say that “no matter we accept it or not still we get dreams”. It’s not a very complex concept at all, as its natural and very simple as we experience this right from our childhood. It all depends on how we look at things around us and the way we analyze them. When our subconscious mind likes someone then our conscious mind listens to it and sends a proposal for the relationship. If we analyze this we see that we have no rights or hold on weather the relationship is created or broken or materialized. In other words relationship will be created if at all there is a genuine requirement.
Lets look at this Example: Two different people with two different subconscious minds which are guiding their individual conscious minds which are in turn sending and accepting the proposals for relationships. It’s quite simple and natural. We are human beings and we all have brains to think, why at all we think? Because there is a genuine requirement for particular necessity in life. It’s very simple that I’m writing this as my subconscious mind is guiding my conscious mind to express it to everyone. Now, either people accept it or reject it depending on their decision of subconscious minds and conscious minds. Likewise we can see that some relationships materialize only when everyone accepts it, as they cannot be forced upon to happen, nor they can be broken. All we can do is be calm, gentle, humble and stable to accept the truth by putting our good efforts. We have to keep walking our path of life towards happiness and satisfaction.
Sometimes it so happens that two persons accepts the relationships, but there are certain relationships which are to be accepted by the society to materialize, to give it a name and a meaning. On further analysis, this society is consumed of different individuals or people with different views and subconscious minds. We see that some of the relationships get their recognition only when accepted by the society, for example, when accepted by our loved ones, parents, friends, relatives etc. Sometimes it will take time for the society to realize and accept the relationships. When we are walking our path of life, with lots of love, faith, prayers, blessings and goodwill then relationships happen depending on the necessity and requirement, we give them a name or we call them as “Luck” and “Destiny”. It’s quite simple. Above all this there is something, which controls everything, which we call as “super conscious” or the “soul of the universe” which is the “supreme power” which controls whole of the universe. When we pray this supreme soul to show us the right path of life to walk, then no doubt it will show us, but we sometimes feel that its crazy, where as its quite natural for the supreme soul. It’s the view how we look at certain things in life. In the view of the supreme soul its quite natural, as its keeping everything intact with love and affection, with healing and creativity and not destructive. It’s relating everything with goodness. It’s constantly converting bad to good. We should not forget that “God helps them who helps themselves”, meaning we have to put our good efforts and pray for good things to happen.
Why people usually don’t speak up. They think by speaking they may be caught, exposed, they may reveal their mistakes. They do not speak, as they are not sure of saying the right thing. They are afraid that the other person may hurt them and create problems. Some of them don’t speak because they don’t like the other person’s personality and attitude, they are afraid of losing their own individuality which they think is different than the other person. It’s basically the annoyance and irritation which they try to avoid. They tend to keep away from someone who tends to hurt them by passing comments and making fun of the other person who has a mild personality. Thus someone who is very calm, gentle and humble usually doesn’t like people who are fickle minded, crazy and unstable, who think they have a false confidence of winning personality. They think that they have to win no mater what. They don’t realize the good purpose of life. It’s the level of comfort one experiences with the other.
We are all the same Human Beings. At the end of the day we all do the same things. We all eat the same bread, we all expect the same sound sleep, and we all expect the same justice, satisfaction and happiness. In other words some basic necessities remain the same as humans.
We all have desires, it is natural. Should we control our desires? Is the question. This is where each one of us has different answers. We are all different personalities with different minds, brains, intelligence, beliefs and attitudes. Thus we believe in not discriminating others, not to hurt their feelings with criticism and hatred. At the same time we must show them the right path of life with brotherhood, love and compassion. We must bring this change with Constructive communication with gentleness.
Difference between Lust and Love:
Lust when indulged brings inertia (state of rest without motion) which is constructive, and when suppressed brings anger, destructive. Lust when suppressed, grips the mind and tires the body, and dulls the intellect. Lust is one of the main botheration that many face.
Lust is nothing but primordial (initiating) un-harnessed energy. The same when harnessed manifests as enthusiasm, sparkle, sharpness of intellect and love.
The factors which can sublimate (change from one form to another) or transform lust into love are: caring, empathy, gratitude, respect, gentleness.
Many of the times, it happens, while proposing to a immature person, for a relationship, for a life-partner, or for a marriage.
When someone says "I love you" and "I want to marry you".
One must not look at it with lust, as a point of view. People would react differently when proposed for a marriage.
A matured person, would react with politeness, empathy and gratitude. And would accept or reject the marriage proposal with a smile and mutual respect, with stability, without any greed or guilt of lust. This is because the person is not experiencing any lust or guilty-conscious within. They are clear of rejection with "NO".
Lust is Meaningful only after Marriage.
Sometimes people misunderstand Love as Lust.
Especially the teenagers, while at Schools and Colleges.
Sometimes even Grown ups can get confused.
Thus real maturity is when a person is controlled with Lust, while at Love.
Thus Love appears in many different forms, with vast meanings and relationships.
But the Lust along with Love is definitely Nourishing, Healthy, and Enjoyable while at Love.
Thus Lust without Love is not meaningful.
Thus Lust without Love might lead to Pain and Suffering.
Similarly, when we Love someone, we must be aware not to include Lust without Marriage.
Even just imagining Lust without marriage might lead to various physiological imbalance.
For unmarried Lovers, Even while enjoying Lust with Love, It might lead to frustrations.
It might create future problems and create insecurity, with a fear of uncertainty.
Because it would never be possible to predict the future.
Thus Lust is a word only for Married Partners, only within the Partners.
Anything else will be a waste of time and energy, in the wrong direction.
It is quite obvious to experience fear when someone feels unsecured, due to desire for lust. When they are afraid of becoming miserable, because of their desire for lust, which can make them slaves of lust. Thus they are afraid of the lust as they experience guilty-conscious. A immature person would imagine lust, leading to shyness and feeling guilt. And would eventually react with anger and frustrations, in order to reject the feeling of lust which is unstable and irritating. Where as a matured person, would react differently.
If an immature person has a desire for lust, this would make them unstable, angry and arrogant. As they are looking at the lust without any compassion and love. They are unable to distinguish between lust and compassion.
On relationships. many times we see Beautiful, good looking, Gorgeous, People, dominating and controlling other individuals using their Power of Lust and Secs.
People also use Lust, using Lustful-imagination, to enjoy, to fulfill, to satisfy themselves to achieve their Lust.
They do it to satisfy and release their body and mind, to release themselves from the stronger grips of Lust, by imagining Lust mentally and emotionally with other persons, in their minds, in order to enjoy the feeling of Lust, to release and relax their body and mind.
People also use Lust to control other people, especially the good looking, beautiful, gorgeous people, who have the ability to seduce others misusing power of Lust. They mentally seduce other persons with Lust, just to dictate and make them their slaves. And when the innocent person approaches them with a desire of relationship, they start acting as if they are aloof and as if, not aware of the situation.
If the other person is not strong enough to understand the psychological Phenomenon, may be controlled by the stronger Lust. Thus the weaker person may destroy his career and future by wasting valuable time and energy thinking and imagining of useless thoughts, leading to useless actions. Instead of utilizing time to create quality proposals. India is critically suffering with such mental and emotional misconception.
Thus it would be very important and appropriate, to express the feeling of Lust, to establish Marriage, and to physically enjoy Lust and secs only after marriage.
Sometimes, the attractive people, who are able to control others with imaginary Lust, try to manipulate, by maintaining silence, in-order to confuse the other person. Thus they never express their universal Love in the form of Brother or Sister, either Mother or Father.
An intelligent person would be wise enough to understand this manipulation. Thus would control and reject such destructive psychological emotions. Lust is actually a vital part of Life, which has evolved the human beings, if not we would have never been born, it is nature and science. Thus Lust is meaningful, effective and appropriate only after marriage and only with the single life-partner. Apart from that Lust must be controlled and must not be mentally imagined which can hurt and create psychological imbalance.
Thus, meditation helps to overcome such negative emotions also, by concentration on breathing and healing body muscles with yoga, can be a good remedy to such negative emotions.
One must not be possessive while at Love.
Being Possessive means forcing and dictating someone to achieve any objective.
Love is freedom to achieve noble objective with peace and compassion.
And freedom is meaningful and respectable only while achieving an noble objective.
True Love can be satisfying and a real enjoyment only when performed with gratitude and willingness.
Love is in different forms. Creating different forms of relationships.
Love can be associated with various emotions, like affection, compassion, passion, lust, ambition, brotherhood, etc. Love can as well be used as a powerful weapon also.
Love is thus meaningful only while it has a constructive noble objective. If not it becomes manipulative, selfish, destructive and corrupt.
While love is to give, and as well to receive, with gratitude and respect.
Thus, Love is a sacred Divine blessing, to add strength, courage and wisdom, to accomplish our noble objective.
Truth is nourished only by Love:
Only True-Love can withstand the Real-Truth, even if its bitter.
Rectification and Improvement is possible only when the real-truth is analyzed.
one must not hide the real-truth from the true-love.
one must not hesitate to ask the real-truth to find true-love.
True-love is only possible with real-truth.
Without truth and love a relationship is just a compromise, adjustment.
Which cannot be enjoyed with real happiness.
Why would someone tell a lie to their dear ones or to their beloved?
This is a question often asked by lust-lovers. Lovers cannot stand untruth; it causes relationships to fall apart. The answer lies in understanding the paradox of love and truth.
People tell lies just to save and maintain their love. Lies are a result of fear that the truth might damage the love between husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, parents and children.
In love you feel weak but truth brings strength. So why do people prefer love over truth, weakness over strength?
No one wants to sacrifice love. Thus people are ready to give up the truth for their love. Love takes the luster out of truth. Sometimes truth can make love bitter; while in love, even lies can appear sweet, like Krishna’s lies to his mother, Yashoda. His wrong doing was forgiven because of love. Love can be BLIND sometimes, it can be both either truth or false. Thus love with truth is constructive and valuable, where as love with false is destructive and unworthy.
The truth that does not nourish love makes no sense,
and the love that cannot withstand the truth is not true love.
When you are assured that your love is so strong that the truth can neither break it nor cause bitterness, then the truth prevails and love shines.
With truth there are judgements, but true love is beyond judgements. The true love makes you weak and yet it is the strongest strength.
From time to time keep a little distance from whoever is very close to you. Take a time off for your own space and go deep into your Self, dig deep. You are an ocean. There's so much wealth deep inside you, so much beauty.
Forgiveness:
It is said that "forgive your enemies", but learn from your mistakes. Do not follow the wrong ones. Follow the correct ones. Love yourself before loving your enemies. Do not love blindly, without proper analysis. If possible convert the bad to good. Do not sacrifice your good principals in order to respect and love the wrong ones. It the conversion is not possible, then it means that the good within yourself needs to be improved, it needs to get stronger, thus meditate on your good principles, to achieve constructive strength.
It is quite a natural phenomenon for humans to understand the other persons emotional feelings, merely just by concentration and visualization. This is an amazing functionality of human mind though, to predict the emotional behavior of other humans, thus enabling them to understand others psychological situations. It is quite a phenomenon for humans to make a phone call only in certain favorable times. The person would certainly call at times while he would experience positive thoughts, he would certainly assume that the person at other end would be in need of his advise. We all have heard this popular saying "I will look to you, only if you look to me", meaning that humans have the amazing phenomenon to understand the emotional thoughts of other humans by concentrating and thinking of the other person. Thus people very much know whose company they would enjoy, probably that's why people fall in love. That's why people visualize other persons presence in their emotions. Probably that's why they decide to live their entire life with their life-partners. People do this in order to achieve their, happiness. The happiness achieved by company of like minded companions. In-order to enjoy their desire to live with individuals having similar objectives of life. Thus a person is able to remember the other, only when the other person is also remembering. Someone would love the other, only when the other would also love back. Thus it is not one sided. It is possible only when both are equally involved. Thus it is an mutual relationship. Thus it is quite true that one can sense the other persons calling in their emotions only when the other person would express an emotional remembering desire.
Sex, only with Married Life-Partner:
We live in a diverse world. Even though we are all the same human beings but still we all have different principles in life. That is what is Unity in Diversity. Even though we have few common principles like, honesty, integrity, compassion and brotherhood.
Even though I have a belief in principle of having sex only with a married life-partner. As sex to me is much cultural and traditional concept. I also believe that I must have only one wife, and I must not have multiple sex partners. And sex must be had only when there is Love between the married partners. Sex without Love has no meaning.
At the same time I do not criticize others having different principles. When I do not criticize others, I do suggest that others must not criticize me either. There must be mutual respect for each other human beings.
By following this principle, I also do not think that I am much superior than others. Nor I think others are superior to me either. We all have equal rights and freedom to live in the same society, without any criticism and discrimination, with brotherhood and respect for each other.
We are all equal and united together with constructive compassion.I personally think we must be intelligent before taking decisions and actions in real life. I believe life partner is a soul mate, with a physical relationship for a life time.
I think human mind is wild and crazy, has no boundaries, it is not tamed, and it can thus think and dream with infinite limitations. Thus we should stick to principals in order to have a healthy and controlled mind, body and soul. That is what we call as meditation, in other words cleansing and controlling our ideas and channelizing our thoughts in the right direction, to achieve our humble objective, with optimism, brotherhood, love and compassion. To walk on the right path of life. In other words, implementing meditation in our everyday life, also called as KARMA. What we sow is what we reap. It is very important to be a role model, so that others can follow on these foot prints.
Every person has a different and varied personal, social, economical and family situations, circumstances, requirements and necessities. Especially in under-developed countries, women are not self sufficient or independent. Even educated women believe that their only responsibility is to cook food and nurture children. They look for a easy going life without any physical strains and responsibilities. They do not believe in taking a job to contribute in financial stability. I do not criticize them, may be its correct for them, but not for me. They have all the rights to live their life accordingly, I too have my own rights to live my way of life. It is quite important to have a independent life-partner. Life-partner who believes in earning her own livelihood. One who believes in creating her own financial stability, along with respect and dignity, with a set of like minded principals. Believe in equal responsibility, contributing and sharing equally. It is very important to live with a like minded person to attain a satisfied and happy life.
Marriage is all about persistence, to stick with the same partner, with peaceful commitment and agreeable compromise. Marriage is all about falling in love, with the same person, for several times. For your entire life. But with respect and humbleness.
Love changes, and nobody understands that. The idea that Love Leads to Happiness is a modern invention.
Dating from the late 17th century onwards, people have learned to believe that love should last for ever and that marriage is the best way to exercise love. In the past there was not so much optimism about the longevity of passion.
“Romeo and Juliet isn’t a happy story, it’s a tragedy. In the last few decades, expectation has grown a lot regarding marriage being the path towards personal accomplishment. Disappointment and dissatisfaction have also grown at the same time.”
People have been married to the same person for more than 30 years, their entire life period, but metaphorically speaking, the same marriage contains several "new marriages" during their relationship. Their bodies and souls changed, and they are still together. If they wanted to keep on as they were, when they were married, they would have not come so far.
Nice
Song: Describing the
Qualities of a Humble
Indian Gentleman (Vaishnava)
http://lyrics-by-manoj-kargudri.blogspot.com/2011/12/qualities-of-vaishnav-tolerates-and.html
Here is an article by Swami that I came across,
Swami's First Sexual Experience After 30 Years of natural Celibacy.
http://www.jaisiyaram.com/blog/my-life/8280-my-first-sexual-experience-after-30-years-of-natural-celibacy-19-jun-11.html
While I was reading this article I thought of commenting on the article. My intentions were not to hurt anyone but only to express my view and opinion. I also want to express that I have not had sex until now, and will only have with my married life-partner in future. It was nice to hear about his experience. He also say that he is not sad to lose his virginity, and he is also happy for not being celibate any more. He has very much expressed his views and real truth, that he has already experienced in his life. It is always good to express the truth. Well, mistakes do happen in life, but we can rectify these mistakes only when we accept them. But one question is pondering. Should we teach the same things to our next generation? to our children. Should we teach them to lose their celibacy and to lose their virginity? Just imagine when someone accepts certain principals in life, which will eventually carve his character. Will a person who has lost his celibacy and virginity, expect the same from their life-partner? Will this person ever have a relationship with a life-partner who is a celibate. Is it fair to lose celibacy just to accomplish sexual desires. Should we humans control our desires to attain our humble and noble objectives of life. Being tolerant is good, but is it good to lose ones identity and principals. Can we be good parents and teachers if we lose our principals.
Here is a nice song, I want to dedicate to this thought process. This song signifies the qualities of an Indian Vaishnava. As it says: A Vaishnav sees everything equally, rejects greed and avarice, Considers some one else's wife/daughter as his mother.
Here is the English meaning of this song: A Vaishnav, Tolerates and praises the the entire world, Does not say bad things about anyone, Keeps his/her words, actions and thoughts pure. A Vaishnav sees everything equally, rejects greed and avarice, Considers some one else's wife/daughter as his mother. The tongue may get tired, but will never speak lies. Does not even touch someone else's property. Who has no greed and deceit, Who has renounced lust of all types and anger.
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